A son, brother, cousin, mate, friend, colleague, nephew, father and a lover, that's who I am. I live my life 10% to my friends and colleagues, 10% to my career and 80% dedicated to my family. I am a family-centred type of person. I have a brother and a sister, and I'm the youngest, but we were supposedly five siblings but my mum had unwanted abortion a year before I was born and the second abortion happened five years after me. Despite of our lost, we lived happy and full of joy, we spent every single day with love and laughter. As a part of a normal person's maturity, both my siblings got married and started to built their own home. I left alone but happy with my parents, as I finished my high school on year 1998, my mother's health condition started to get bad, it started with a simple occasional headache then the Doctor said that my mum was hypertensive, so she started the medication. After a year or two, Instead of getting better, her condition got worst. Then we sought for another medical attention and she was diagnosed having kidney failure secondary to chronic hypertension and advised to have a lifetime Dialysis treatment. At first we refused for knowing that no one survived or no one gets out of that horrible treatment. But then we realized, if that's the only way to keep my mom's life, why not. We were all desperate to seek for any other alternative treatments, herbal medicine, spiritual healing, and even "albularios" (unlicensed town Doctor using unusual method). My siblings and I, offered our kidney to my mum for the transplant but she refused, she don't want any of us to suffer for her and she decided to undergo dialysis treatment. Her Doctor advised her to have the treatment twice a week for the rest of her life, and the Doctor told us frankly that dialysis patients usually expires in a couple of years, some on their 4th or 5th year of treatment. We were all hopeless and heart broken. We care about my mum, we love her, we had a lot of concerns that time, we knew that a lot of things may change and we have to adjust our lifestyle and all. Another concerned was the financial support for her treatment, dialysis is very expensive and a lifetime treatment, my father was just a Government employee, and they already spent all their saving for the past treatments, the worst thing was, as my mother's treatment started, I had also just started my college, I was on my first semester on my first year in Nursing school. So, how we will survive? I thought of quitting school but my mum wasn't let me, and said "I rather stop my treatment and die, than to see you miserable and suffer because of me." So I continued my college with the help of my grandparents and relatives living abroad who also supported my mother's treatment. I studied hard, I went to school without pocket money, I did my term papers and school project without spending money, I even finish my thesis without asking money from my parents, I used my smart ass to survive, I've been wise and smart in a good way. And so I made it, I graduated after five years of hardworking and sacrifices.
I love taking care of my mum, I love to go with every single treatment she had, but I have to leave. I have to go abroad to work and support all her treatments and medications, so I did. I went to Dubai with my college girl friend to work on September 2008. Since my first step in Dubai, I already missed my family especially my mum, I missed them every single minute, every lonely nights, every tiring days, and every time I felt afraid of loosing my mum while I'm away. I hated when I took care of other sick person while my own sick mother was taking care of by someone else back home. I hated the feeling of being far away from my love ones, I hated the feeling of fear of loosing one of them while I'm away. I tried to be strong, and tried not to give up for my mother. On June 2011, I went home for my annual vacation (that was my 2nd vacation), I was excited and overwhelm, and I spent the whole month with my family, we went out of town together, I brought my mum in all the places she wanted to go to, we went shopping, we went to church as a whole family, we went to the beach, and the rest of my stay was just home with my mum, I also accompanied her to her dialysis sessions like what I used to do before going abroad. We had a lot of great times together, I had remarkable lovely moments with her, that was the best vacation ever. We enjoyed every single day, we laugh and play with my new nephews and nieces, we chatted and shared our experiences while I'm away. On mid-July, I have to packed and leave them again, and went back to the reality of life. As I reached back to Dubai, I can't stop reminiscing the good times I had back home with my family, I can't stop crying when I though of my mom's happy face and our priceless moments together. Until on July 30 around 11:45 pm, I received a call from my sister. I was scared and wonder why she needs to call me that late, I was shaking before I answered her call. From the other line I heard my sister saying something about my mum, I can hear her but I wasn't able to interpret what I was heard. I got stoned and shocked as my sister told me that they rush mum to the emergency room because she had heart attack. I didn't know what to do, I can't think, I can't even move. Then few minutes later they called me again but this time it was my brother, and told me that mum was really in bad condition, and she's in state of coma. Then I started to freak out when my brother ask me to book a flight as soon as possibly I can, that made me thought that it was really serious. So my girlfriend booked me a flight in the afternoon on the same day. I never slept since I received the bad news. I kept on praying to God to help mum and give her another chance to stay with us. On August 1st around 2pm, I arrived and reached the hospital and headed directly to the ICU. Outside I saw my sister, my father, and some relatives gathered around and crying, they embraced me and I felt strong emotion of pain, then I entered the ICU room. I saw my mum lying, unresponsive and have a lot of apparatus attached on her. The first time I saw her, I wasn't know how to react, I was speechless and stoned, then I walked near her, I held her hand, and checked her condition. I am a nurse, as I checked her reflexes and physical condition, I knew that she can't stay any longer with us, but I was still on denial stage and keep on forcing myself to believed that she will be fine. I was petrified for few minutes, and I gave up my tears, I cried as if I never cried before. I kissed her and thanked her for waiting me at least, at 3 pm her heart beat stopped then after few seconds, she'd back. Her heartbeat stopped then again beats normally, that was the scenario for 1 hours until 4 pm, her vital signs totally stopped.
We all gather surround her, we cried so bad, I wasn't able to carry my body, it seems like my system is in idle. Every single family member surrounds her gave their last goodbyes and kisses. I embraced her so tight and whisper how much I love her and how much thankful I am for being her son, I thanked God for giving us a chance to be with her for that long time. As the Doctors told us at first, there were a chances of loosing her on her 4th or 5th year of treatment. But my mum was a survivor, she was a fighter and she miraculously stayed with us for 13 years and during that 13 years, she never felt excessive pain and ordeals as the other patients had.
And now, we are all missing her, we will never forget her and she will always be in our hearts. But our lives must go on as my mum wanted it to be. I went back to Dubai, again, to face my battle field, my brother still can't believe of our mum's lost, he and my sister still can feel her presence in the house as my sister lives there with her children and our father, and my brother's house just right next to our parent's house. My sister now taking care of our father and my mum's stuffs.
Even now, I can still feel my mother's presence, I know she's always around continue watching and guiding us.
Now is the time for us to adjust and continue our lives without mum's physical presence. We never blame God for my mum's lost, despite, we thank Him for the time He had given us to stay together as a complete family. For giving us strength and for lending us a wonderful, caring and loving person, my mum.
Mama's Boy
I love taking care of my mum, I love to go with every single treatment she had, but I have to leave. I have to go abroad to work and support all her treatments and medications, so I did. I went to Dubai with my college girl friend to work on September 2008. Since my first step in Dubai, I already missed my family especially my mum, I missed them every single minute, every lonely nights, every tiring days, and every time I felt afraid of loosing my mum while I'm away. I hated when I took care of other sick person while my own sick mother was taking care of by someone else back home. I hated the feeling of being far away from my love ones, I hated the feeling of fear of loosing one of them while I'm away. I tried to be strong, and tried not to give up for my mother. On June 2011, I went home for my annual vacation (that was my 2nd vacation), I was excited and overwhelm, and I spent the whole month with my family, we went out of town together, I brought my mum in all the places she wanted to go to, we went shopping, we went to church as a whole family, we went to the beach, and the rest of my stay was just home with my mum, I also accompanied her to her dialysis sessions like what I used to do before going abroad. We had a lot of great times together, I had remarkable lovely moments with her, that was the best vacation ever. We enjoyed every single day, we laugh and play with my new nephews and nieces, we chatted and shared our experiences while I'm away. On mid-July, I have to packed and leave them again, and went back to the reality of life. As I reached back to Dubai, I can't stop reminiscing the good times I had back home with my family, I can't stop crying when I though of my mom's happy face and our priceless moments together. Until on July 30 around 11:45 pm, I received a call from my sister. I was scared and wonder why she needs to call me that late, I was shaking before I answered her call. From the other line I heard my sister saying something about my mum, I can hear her but I wasn't able to interpret what I was heard. I got stoned and shocked as my sister told me that they rush mum to the emergency room because she had heart attack. I didn't know what to do, I can't think, I can't even move. Then few minutes later they called me again but this time it was my brother, and told me that mum was really in bad condition, and she's in state of coma. Then I started to freak out when my brother ask me to book a flight as soon as possibly I can, that made me thought that it was really serious. So my girlfriend booked me a flight in the afternoon on the same day. I never slept since I received the bad news. I kept on praying to God to help mum and give her another chance to stay with us. On August 1st around 2pm, I arrived and reached the hospital and headed directly to the ICU. Outside I saw my sister, my father, and some relatives gathered around and crying, they embraced me and I felt strong emotion of pain, then I entered the ICU room. I saw my mum lying, unresponsive and have a lot of apparatus attached on her. The first time I saw her, I wasn't know how to react, I was speechless and stoned, then I walked near her, I held her hand, and checked her condition. I am a nurse, as I checked her reflexes and physical condition, I knew that she can't stay any longer with us, but I was still on denial stage and keep on forcing myself to believed that she will be fine. I was petrified for few minutes, and I gave up my tears, I cried as if I never cried before. I kissed her and thanked her for waiting me at least, at 3 pm her heart beat stopped then after few seconds, she'd back. Her heartbeat stopped then again beats normally, that was the scenario for 1 hours until 4 pm, her vital signs totally stopped.
We all gather surround her, we cried so bad, I wasn't able to carry my body, it seems like my system is in idle. Every single family member surrounds her gave their last goodbyes and kisses. I embraced her so tight and whisper how much I love her and how much thankful I am for being her son, I thanked God for giving us a chance to be with her for that long time. As the Doctors told us at first, there were a chances of loosing her on her 4th or 5th year of treatment. But my mum was a survivor, she was a fighter and she miraculously stayed with us for 13 years and during that 13 years, she never felt excessive pain and ordeals as the other patients had.
And now, we are all missing her, we will never forget her and she will always be in our hearts. But our lives must go on as my mum wanted it to be. I went back to Dubai, again, to face my battle field, my brother still can't believe of our mum's lost, he and my sister still can feel her presence in the house as my sister lives there with her children and our father, and my brother's house just right next to our parent's house. My sister now taking care of our father and my mum's stuffs.
Even now, I can still feel my mother's presence, I know she's always around continue watching and guiding us.
Now is the time for us to adjust and continue our lives without mum's physical presence. We never blame God for my mum's lost, despite, we thank Him for the time He had given us to stay together as a complete family. For giving us strength and for lending us a wonderful, caring and loving person, my mum.
Mama's Boy
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